Slice of Life

A while ago I made a list called My Favorite People but it only had 3 entries.  I figured that I'd better finish it so here goes...

 3 of the entries are repeated from the aforementioned post. (Yay! I used a fancy pants-y word! Darn. Just negated it)

 *In case you don't know me at all, these are multiple instances of SARCASM.

10. Thank you, person on the street who asks me for the time.  Of course you are the only person on the planet who doesn't have a cell phone or watch. So go right ahead.  Stop me when I'm running full speed down the street because I am late for work again.  And while you’re at it, why don't you go on ahead and start a ten-minute conversation with me about your kids and the weather.  Of course we can chat!  I am clearly in no hurry.  And after I walk away, feel free to yell and scream at me to catch my attention because after all of that babble you've forgotten the time I told you itwas.  And for goodness sakes, do not ever look up at the GIANT CLOCK TOWER RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.  Of course my boss won't mind if I'm an hour late.  Thanks so much.

9.Thank you, person who ends every sentence like a question.  Because I would love to have this conversation a million times over. 

YOU: Sandra Bullock is a Libra?

ME: yeah, I think so.

YOU: I know.  That wasn't a question.

ME: *punches YOU in the face*

I’m sorry, Mr. Know-it-all.  Why would I dare answer that, which was so clearly just a statement, a declaration of your awesome knowledge? Thank you.  Thank you for identifying the error of my ways. 

8. Thank you, person on the bus who listens to their mp3 at FULL VOLUME. I think I speak for everyone on the bus when I say that we really enjoy listening to your music.  Which is blasting so loud that I can hear every word that Eminemis rapping.  Don't you worry about me.  In fact, go right ahead and sing along!  Better yet, next time, why don't you forget about that mp3 player and go ahead and bring a boom box onto the bus.  Because I don't think the people in the cars next to us can fully appreciate your fantastic taste in music.  Really.  Thanks.

 7.  Thank you, person who drives bymy house at 3 IN THE MORNING, blasting music.  You know what?  I've always enjoyed waking up at 3 am.  Actually, that's what time I should be getting up, because I am just SO BUSY these days.  In fact, you are truly amazing because now I don't have to go and buy an alarm clock.  You are truly a blessing.  But wait, don't just drive by my house, then it would only be a few seconds and I might not wake up!  And we can't have that, can we?  By all means you have to stop in front of my house, get out of the car with the music still blasting, and then talk and laugh loudly with your friends.  Perfect.  Don't forget to leave all of your garbage on my front lawn.  Nice.  Now I have a task, one that should really keep me motivated.  Ok, you can get back in your car and drive away, now that I'm fully awake. Good job, and thank you.  So frickin' much.

 6.Thank you, person that happens to be walking down the street when I am walking the opposite way towards them down the street and makes it really really awkward.  Thank you, because you make my life worth living.  It's really cool because we are both walking, you see me and I see you, and we are getting closer.  Soon we are going to cross each other, and what are you going to do? You can just nod your head or look down the entire time, but you wouldn't do that would you?  Nah, what would be awesome is if you started with the smile, then moved on to the "Hi, how are you?"  Thank you, because now I can't just walk by you can I?  Nope.  You are forcing me to STOP and converse with you.  Perfect.  My people skills do need a bit of work, and,Wallah!  Here you are.  Thank you.  You make me a better person.

 5.Thank you, person who is either full on deaf or just has a wad of earwax in his ears because he cannot hear a thing that I am saying to him.  Thank you because I look forward to having this conversation a million and five times over.

 Me: Iheard that Brittany is going skiing tomorrow, sounds fun, huh?

You: huh?

Me: I said, I heard Brittany is skiing tomorrow, that sounds fun!

You: what? I can't hear you!

Me: I HEARD that BRITTANY is going SKIING TOMMOROW!!

You: you learned that Tiffany's earrings’ were swallowed?

Me: NO, BRITTANY'S SKIING TOMORROW!

You:YOUR REALLY GOING TO HAVE TO SPEAK UP, I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

Me: oh just forget it. 

You: WHAT???

(This will go on for hours at a time)

 It's really great that as we descend into deeper and deeper levels of miscommunication, you start screaming your answers back at me.  Just in case I can't hear you acting like a complete moron.  Just in case I can't hear, which in turn is somehow affecting your sense of hearing.  So thank you.  Because who doesn't enjoy screaming their lungs out and feeling frustrated at least once a day?

 I just wanted to stop and say something.  A lot of these are about people on the street, or people playing music or people on the bus, and yes these people annoy the living hell out of me.  And I know you’re probably thinking, wow, she really hates people.  And I just wanted to reassure you,there are a lot more where these people came from.  TRUST ME.

 4. Thanks, person who is walking down a hallway or empty street across from me and moves to the left at the same time that I move to the right.  And then does it again.  And again.  And again.  Thank you, for trying to move to the side to let me go by.  That was so nice of you.  Because if you hadn't moved, well obviously I would have just walked right into you.  Because you and your plaid button down shirt are in fact the centerof the universe.  For anyone to get by you, you would have to grant themapproval!  Of course, after the first couple of times, I would then stopand let you move to the side and I would keep going, but you'd rather have a quick chat about how nice we both are, and how funny that was.  Thank you.  Because no day is complete without one really awkward moment.

 3.Thank you, people who find the need to argue with everything I have tosay.  It’s obvious that you are the rock in this relationship.  Every statement by me has got to be followed with a rebuttal by you.  And even when your on my side, it's always better to disagree, isn't it?  You say you are just joking around, and I totally believe you.  Really.  Thanks.

 2.Thank you, person who takes out their phone to text or check email in the middle of our conversation.  Excuseme for trying to carry on a conversation! I should have realized that what I’m saying doesn’t matter.  The only thing that matters is instant messaging Billygoat852 back to tell him that last night’s party was“AWESOME!!!”  How did you know that it joys me to stand around aimlessly while you hit buttons on your phone for 10 minutes straight?  Don’t worry about making comments out loud or laughing to yourself.  I definitely wont walk away.  And for the few seconds you aren’t texting and I’m actually achieving speech, feel free to stare off into the distance and wonder if youare going to receive that email soon. How could I forget?  You arethe most important person in the world! Thanks very muchly.

 1.Thank you, people who are total creeps.  Where would my life be without you guys?  And the best part is, you are everywhere!  How great is it that no matter where I am at the moment, I will always know that one of you is lurking around?  Now I can be prepared to have engaging conversations where you ask way too many personal questions and stare creepily for way too long.  Thanks.  No really. THANK YOU.

 Honorable Mention

 People that see me coming but don't hold the door open,

People that talk really loudly on cell phone blue tooths,

People.